


Wasteland

by TrinityRose



Category: The Flash
Genre: AU, Dark, Drama, F/M, Romance, Sex, Snowells, The Flash - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:18:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13034844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityRose/pseuds/TrinityRose
Summary: Savitar won by changing tactics in a way no one expected. Caitlin seems to be the only one left fighting – or maybe redeeming herself. That’s when she crosses paths with Harry; both of them not who they used to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just hit me out of the sudden and I had to start writing immediately!
> 
> Video promo:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3eYa5GjW9A

It was dark and cold and she was so, so tired of running, of _fighting_. The Caitlin she'd used to be would never give up no matter what. That Caitlin would've wanted to go on and fight till her last breath, till there was even the slightest chance of winning, of surviving.

Maybe this was her breaking point. Maybe this was the point of no return. No Barry to save them. No Barry to even try messing with time to change things – and Caitlin really believed that no matter where or when they would've ended up, it would've definitely been better than _this_.

Was this how she would finally go? She wondered. Was here when she would finally give up? God knew she had no strength left in her. At least not in her spirit. That was crashed into million pieces a long time ago when she'd done something unthinkable, something that would forever haunt her dreams and would never let her rest. She couldn't forgive herself, so she could also never expect _him_ to do that. Not that she ever wanted him to. She knew she deserved to suffer for what she'd done and she accepted her punishment. She just wished her friends and everyone she knew wouldn't have to suffer as well.

 _No_ , something in her screamed as she still kept on running, an arm pulling her forward, leading the way. He didn't know where to go and neither did she. Now it was just run or be killed. Run or be used by metas wrecking what was left from Central city.

She had no home. She had no friends. She had _no one_. She couldn't even say she had herself as she seemed to be breaking into pieces every other occasion. She just wanted it all to stop. She wanted to succumb to death and forget. She just wanted to find herself in another dimension. Yet, she couldn't imagine it being peaceful since she'd already done so much evil. _She_ , the person who swore to care and to protect and to heal. She'd actually _hurt_ someone. What more, it was…

Her knees buckled underneath her, her spirit finally being slowly and utterly extinguished. She didn't want to run anymore. She wanted to stay. She wanted to give up and die. She just wished she didn't have to sentence Julian to death as well.

 _Julian_ , she pondered when sitting on the ground like a statue, not willing to move. Julian stayed even though she literally _begged_ him to leave her. She didn't deserve him and his help. She didn't because the painful truth was that she couldn't, nor would ever truly love him and despite her actually telling him that, he still wouldn't leave. Did he really hope for the future? Did he really hope her feelings would eventually change? Because she didn't. She couldn't even think about romance in a world so broken, so devastated, so… _over_. That was just one more sin to the pretty pile she'd already collected. She'd used Julian, forced herself to care for him, even though deep inside she knew she didn't, just so he would help her. Just so he would help her get rid of her powers.

All for nothing.

Julian stayed.

Powers stayed.

Somehow she'd ended up with everything she wanted gone and nothing she truly needed.

"Caitlin, please, we _need_ to move," Julian came back to her just like he always did and she just wanted him gone. She wanted him to leave her, to go and never come back, to maybe manage to find a life for himself that was better than _this_.

"Leave me," she repeated what she always told him. "Leave and never look back. I want this to end. I _need_ this all to end. Can you understand it?" she begged him yet once again with eyes already tear stricken. Why wouldn't he just listen?! Why wouldn't he fucking leave her alone and just give up on her?!

"No," he denied one more time in the same adamant voice and then he got down to the ground so his face would be on level with hers. "I won't. You have to fight. I won't let you give up."

"Look around!" she screamed at him. "There's nothing to fight for! This isn't a life worth living!"

"Don't say that…"

"No, Julian! I am _never_ going to love you, ok?!" she roared and that finally did it, he shut up.

"Caitlin… Caitlin, I know that…" he eventually said in a quiet voice, nearly a whisper. Then he sighed. "But we have to stick together."

"I will only bring you down, Julian. You need to…"

"NO!" he actually screamed this time and suddenly, they heard something coming. Another meta. Maybe the one they'd been trying to escape from for the last few hours.

Before Caitlin could react, Julian got back to his feet and covered her small form sitting on the ground with his body.

Before she could say something else, yell at him to run or to leave her, the meta broke his neck with one idle movement of his hand in the air. This one was particularly nasty, able to control human flesh. Caitlin knew she would be next and she welcomed that with sudden peacefulness. It actually felt good to finally give up, to choose the way she wanted to go. At least it would be quick.

She just wished Julian hadn't had to pay the ultimate price, but then again, in the end it was his own choice and it wouldn't change the one Caitlin had just made herself.

Yet, when Snow closed her eyes and prayed to God, even though she knew she didn't deserve His forgiveness, the death still wasn't coming and then she heard something else, something _weird._

It was some kind of a device.

When she opened her eyes again, desperate to know what was going on; the meta was just falling to the ground, lifeless.

She immediately got to her feet and then she heard the man clearly standing behind her.

"Stay where you are!"

What was more surprising, she _knew_ that voice! She just had no idea what he was doing on this earth and how he'd even gotten here in the first place since all the breaches were closed and he hadn't been here when everything had gone to shit. Or maybe he'd just been about to travel here? Anyway, it didn't matter. He was _here_.

"I'm warning you!" he shouted again and Caitlin raised her hands in a gesture of surrender, somehow not so eager to die anymore as she so wanted to know everything that had happened to him since they'd seen each other last.

She slowly turned around, facing Harrison Wells from Earth Two. He didn't change at all. He was dressed all in black, a ball cap set on its place on his head, brown messy locks sticking out of it anyway, a gun in his hand. Gun pointed directly at _her_ , she reminded herself. Still, there seemed to be something different about him. He always was sharp around the edges, but now he also seemed stronger somehow, his flesh firmer. How long had he been fighting? Snow wondered.

Finally, his blue eyes set on her and there was a look of shock passing through his face. He truly couldn't believe she was there. That she was all right.

" _Snow_?" he still asked when lowering the gun and she could've sworn that his hands shook slightly.

The sight of him. The care in both his voice and his eyes. His own emotions breaking through the stone hard façade somehow managed to break her walls as well and before she knew it, she said his name in a shaky voice and began crying, not able to believe that if he hadn't showed up, she would've already been dead and that she'd actually wanted it to happen.

He got to her before he knees hit the cold ground for the second time that night and she found herself sobbing frantically in his arms, seeking out his warmth, any physical and substantial evidence that he was really there, that he was real and he was with her. That he was alive and just _there_.

"It's ok. It's gonna be all right, Snow. It's all over now," he kept on whispering into her ear in that hoarse voice of his and she just cried harder when remembering yet once again all the things she'd done. Would he ever look at her the same if he knew?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have come up with such amazing things for this story that the ending will blow your mind! At least I hope so… Haha… just stick with me!

Caitlin followed Harrison blindly, barely catching up. He was moving fast, knowing the area well and going straight to the place of his destination. His footsteps seemed soundless and there was a newly-acquired stealth to the way he moved. Just one more thing that made Caitlin think about how long it'd exactly been since Savitar, having found another way to survive, killed Barry and kidnapped Iris, destroying most of the world on his way God knew where.

Wells realized that it was hard for Caitlin to catch up with his steps, but he couldn't go any slower. The dawn was coming and they couldn't afford to be on the streets when that happened, not in this part of the town, if any. Paradoxically, in daylight they'd be an easier target for the metas. He did have the impression they were being watched, though and even deliberately strayed off his normal path into a dead end just to see if anyone followed, but in the end he only shook his head.

"Har…" Caitlin tried asking him something, but he shushed her quickly, gesturing to her that they would talk later and now they had to be quiet.

Eventually, he made his way to an abandoned building and opened the garage door after making sure they really weren't followed.

"Get in," he whispered to Snow, watching the horizon getting fairer with every passing second. "There's no time. We need to be inside when the sun raises."

Snow did what he asked her to without questions and after a few more turns and doors being unlocked and closed right behind them, she found herself in a small cellar room.

"It's not much, but it's enough to survive," Harrison said when switching the lights on. The room was small, made of one crooked table and a chair plus a bedding lying on the floor. Those were just blankets and pillows arranged nearly to make for some kind of a bed and Snow nearly blushed when she noticed that there was only room for one.

"I would say feel like home, but…" Wells's voice traced off and she actually laughed nervously at that. "There's a bathroom, which is a convenience if you ask me." He switched he lights on in the room rid of any door right next to the one they were in at the moment. "There's a toilet and improvised shower. No door, but I can attach some curtains, so… yeah…"

"That would be great," Snow answered him with a nod, seeing his discomfort.

"I have food. Are you hungry?" he asked then, prolonging the moment when he would query her about what she'd been through so far and what really happened to Barry. She was shaking, having just had a brush with death, so she had to calm down.

She nodded again and then with no better thing to do, she just got down to the floor, sitting on one of his blankets, not even caring how intimate that might feel since he was actually _sleeping_ there.

"Snow, you're safe now," he told her in a surprisingly soft voice and before he knew it or could even think about what he was doing, he was already squatting down right in front of her and putting his hands on her shoulders, giving her comfort. "No one can get to us here, ok? We don't get upstairs so no one can see the light or even shadows. There's nothing left there anyway. Scavengers already took what they could. They all think it's an abandoned building. That's it."

She only nodded, tears welling up in her eyes once more and when he let her go to go get some food, she hugged her knees.

She heard him opening some cans and then some paper rustled before he finally brought her a can full of some kind of a soup and then another with pieces of meat in it dipped in some red sauce. The color brought memories of blood to her mind and she thought that Julian didn't even bleed when he died. She shuddered.

To her astonishment, Harrison didn't choose the chair for himself, he just sat down right next to her, his back against the wall.

"Eat. You need strength," he encouraged her.

She didn't say anything to that, feeling so terribly guilty again, but she did listen to him and took a sip of the soup. It was cold, but despite that, the first intake reminded her how hungry she really was and before she knew it, she was eating everything he'd given her.

"Slowly," he warned her then, "we don't want you to throw up."

No, they did not want _that_ , she thought, steadying herself.

"So… you just live here… all alone?" she finally asked when she was done with the food and he followed soon after.

He nodded in response. "Yeah. Just me. I'm looking for Jesse," he informed then.

"Is she here? What are _you_ even doing here? Did she get kidnapped again or…?"

"Oh, no," Harrison denied quickly, seeing the panic welling up in Snow's voice. To Caitlin it would seem terribly unfair that he could actually lose his daughter like that _twice_. "I jumped through the portal few hours after Savitar got to us on Earth Two and took Iris," Harrison started explaining. "I wanted to help somehow, but I got to you all too late. Barry was already… well, dead," the was some unknown tone in his voice and Caitlin guessed it was hard for him to admit that the Flash was just gone. After all, Wells did grow attached to the whole team. "I still don't understand, though," he admitted then. "If Savitar really _is_ Barry from the future, why would killing _himself_ wouldn't erase _him_?"

"Because Savitar changed his plan and made the time remnants himself," Caitlin explained in a voice devoid of any feeling. Because if she let herself feel, if she let it all in, she wasn't sure she would ever recover. She was barely holding on as it was.

"Yeah… well… it might not make lots of sense, but at least it's an explanation," Wells finally admitted after thinking about it for a while and then rubbing his forehead as though it gave him a headache.

"It is crazy, but we of all people should understand the implications of time travel," Caitlin said, "after all, Eobard Thawne is dead and in the same he's still somewhere out there."

Harry nodded in agreement before continuing, "I don't know where Savitar is or if Iris is still alive, but for her sake, I hope she isn't." Caitlin shuddered when she heard that, but she knew it to be true. If Savitar still had Iris, she didn't want to know what he was doing to the poor girl. "When I realized there was nothing I or even Barry could do," Wells went on, "I decided to find Jesse. I know that I always tell Barry not to travel back in time, but…" he just shook his head, "I really don't think that _this_ ," he opened his arms widely, making a point, "can be better than getting back in time, getting rid of Savitar and returning things back to normal."

"Last I heard she was on Earth Three," Snow provided the answer. "Jesse, I mean."

"Yeah. And I can't get there because Savitar made it impossible to travel between dimensions. So I'm trapped here." There was anger and hopelessness in Harrison's voice and Caitlin could easily relate to that. "I'm trying to find Cisco, but to no avail. I think he might be dead, too," he then added and Caitlin felt the familiar pang in her chest.

She quickly got up, picking up the empty cans just to occupy her hands with something.

"You don't have to do this," Wells told her, but she didn't listen. Instead, she just informed, "Cisco's alive."

"Do you know where he is?" There was newly found excitement in Harry's voice and something else Snow hated, something that only made her feel worse. It was _hope_.

"It doesn't matter. He can't help you anymore," she told him ambiguously and her hands shook violently, nearly causing her to drop the cans she was carrying. She did manage to get them to the other side of the room and to the table where Harrison had been preparing them earlier, though.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He was now back on his feet and standing right behind her. In fact, he was so close she could feel the warmth radiating from his body and somehow she only felt colder since she couldn't allow herself to get attached, she couldn't allow herself to get close to anyone else ever again because all she did was hurting people. Like she did with Cisco. And with Julian.

"It doesn't matter," she disregarded his concern, fisting her hands so they would stop shaking so badly.

"No, Snow, look at me. _Talk to me_." He refused to just let it go and eventually put his hands gently, yet firmly on her arms, turning her around. She was crying again. "What the hell happened? I can't help you if you don't tell me. Is it about this guy you were with?" he asked then and she nearly laughed straight into his face.

"No. I wasn't _with him_. I couldn't _get rid of him_. And he died because of me!" she burst, not able to hold it in any longer. "All I do is hurt people, Harry and you'll do best if you just let me go! Let me go and maybe _then_ you'll manage to survive!"

"Hey! Hey!" She was fighting him now, getting physical so he would let her go, but he grasped her wrists and immobilized them in the air. "Look at me! I. Am. Not. Leaving. You," he said slowly and with so much feeling that she was rendered speechless. "It's a miracle we found each other again, Snow and I won't let you go. Like hell I am! You're the only one I have left in this world!"

Suddenly, the palms of his hands grew so cold, he let her go with a hiss.

"Are you so sure about that?" she just asked, forcing herself back under control. "Because this is what happens when people get too close to me. This is what I pay them with."

"I already know about your powers," he said, remaining calm and not moving from his place, not letting her pass.

"You should rethink what you know, then," she still argued and her eyes ablazed with white.

"Snow. _Caitlin_ ," he tried one more time when taking another step closer and cupping her face despite the cold; forcing her to look at him, his blue eyes boring into hers. "We're sticking together," he made the decision and then watched her eyes come back to normal. Her skin wasn't so chilly anymore. In fact, it was warm again. "I am not losing you, too."

"You don't understand," she told him then, "I wanted to _die_ , Harry. I was just about ready to give up when you showed up."

"Then consider that a lucky strike," he said when folding his arms on his chest, but still remaining in place. "Are we good now?"

"Harry…"

" _Are we_?" he repeated persistently.

Eventually, she sighed. "It's your funeral."

"Wonderful. Now, I think you should get some sleep."

"What about you?" she immediately wanted to know.

"See?" he just asked and she frowned, not understanding his point, so he clarified, "I tell you to get some sleep and you worry about where I will sleep. You're still the same old Caitlin Snow, can't you see that? Killer Frost would never care about other person's well-being, nor put it above her own."

Caitlin bit on her lip, actually seeing the wisdom behind his words.

"Something tells me that you're blaming yourself for things _she_ did. You should stop, Caitlin. She's not you."

"Maybe," she admitted, "but she's still a part of me and I hurt people through her."

"And you think I'm what? A saint? I'm a far worse person than you could ever be and you know it," he told her. "Now, get some sleep. I'll fix that shower in the meantime and don't you worry about me sleeping because there's this car in the garage that I could crash in."

Snow just nodded and when he finally moved from his spot, she still called after him, "Harry?"

"Yeah?" Their eyes met for a brief second.

"Thank you. For rescuing me and… the rest."

"You're welcome, Snow."

* * *

Caitlin didn't know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes, but something definitely seemed off. She just didn't know what.

Then it hit her. She felt as though someone was in the room with her, watching her.

She immediately got up, looking around the empty and dark interior, not seeing anyone and definitely not seeing Harry. She found the light switch with her heart already beating like crazy, but once the room was illuminated, it turned out to be empty. She still felt unsettled, though and decided to just go and find Harry. He did say something about sleeping in a car, so he must be close by.

Yet, first she checked out the bathroom, really desperate for a shower and her heart actually melt at the sight of the old and battered shower curtain set in place to provide her the needed privacy. She also spotted a pair of female clothing folded neatly aside and she wondered where the hell Harry got that. Maybe he'd ridden a clothing store or something.

After shower – that wasn't all that hot, but she couldn't complain, really – brushing her teeth when using toothpaste and her fingers and putting the clothes on, she actually felt like herself again, the shirt and jeans fitting well.

Now it was time to find Harry and Snow was a little apprehensive to wander the halls of this place alone, but then again, he'd survived here for a pretty long time, so she should feel safe. And he did tell her that himself, she remembered.

She opened the only door in the room and walked into a dark corridor, feeling a shiver passing down her spine at the memory of being watched. She still didn't know what the hell that was all about. Eventually, she heard something, but still wasn't sure what exactly it was. It was as though someone was punching something very hard, but there was no sounds of pain.

Snow frowned when following the sound and finally noticed light pouring from one of the rooms in the cement construction they were in. There was no door again, so she had a clear view of the inside and… she sucked in a breath, seeing Harrison working out. There was a punching bag hanging from the ceiling there and he was hitting that thing, which pretty much explained the sound. What more, he was shirtless, his body bathed in sweat as he kept on attacking the bag, unloading all of his emotions and rage onto it.

And he looked so _hot_ , Snow realized, actually feeling her mouth going dry and her body reacting to the sight. There might as well be last people on this earth. They might die tomorrow and they should really figure out a way to find Jesse so she could take them back in time. Or maybe there was no way, maybe they should give up, just leave this wretched place in search of something better, of maybe some afterlife. She was ready for surrender. The brief exaltation from seeing him alive and well, from being rescued by him already passed, leaving Snow in the same depressed pit she'd been for months now. Still, seeing him like this, actually _fighting_ , acting _alive_ , woke something up inside her and it caused her to feel ashamed. Because Julian had just died. And she was admiring half-naked Harrison Wells from Earth Two, working out.

Still, she had to admit she had no idea that he looked this good. He always seemed fit, but it was really hard to tell what was hiding underneath all those black clothes. Now she did see it. And she did not care. She discovered she always liked him because he was just Harry, her friend, the most intelligent person she knew, one that could actually match her wit, one that understood her. Then again, she never let herself think of him any other way than a friend because she knew he wasn't there to stay. He would always go back home to Earth Two to his daughter. And that sucked.

He finally realized he wasn't alone in the room anymore and turned around before she even managed to duck and run. He got her. Her caught her red-handed. And boy, did his front look even better than his back…

"You're awake," he just said as though nothing happened. Well, because it didn't, she reminded herself, coming back to the ground. "Good. I need to get out for a while."

"Wait… what?" she panicked out of the sudden and he just idly grabbed a towel and his black shirt and walked right past her in the door. She made a step back immediately, because seriously, this body was just too much and too close.

"What did you think? That we'll stay in here forever? I still have to find Cisco and I don't get why he can't help me."

"He just can't, ok? Trust me on this."

"But he's _alive_ ," Harrison emphasized. "So tell me where was the last time you saw him."

"Harry, I don't know where he is. I just know he was alive when we parted. When Julian grabbed me and we ran."

"Ok," Harry nodded, "there are some parts of the city I still have to check out and it's better to do that at night. I'll just hit the shower and I'm gone." He went straight into the bathroom without even looking back at her and she just stood there with her mouth opened widely. _Shower?_ Was he really going to… with her in the other room?

She forced herself to stop staring after him, bringing herself back to reality, reminding herself of all the things she hated herself for and it made her feel better. Well, actually the opposite, but that was what she was aiming for, right? She then walked to the remaining stash of food to prepare some for the both of them. She couldn't not take a peak, though, damn it! She actually came to a stop, seeing Harry's lean figure behind that damned shower curtain, his hands raised above his head as he was just washing his hair.

She forced her feet to walk towards the other end of the room again and when he finally emerged from the 'bathroom', all dressed up in black with that ball cap on and all fresh, there was a can waiting for him to eat.

"Thank you," he accepted it as though again nothing happened and she just nodded at him, coming back to her morose thoughts. "Will you be ok, Snow?" he then asked with clear hesitance in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean whether I can count on you still being here when I get back," he stopped beating around the bush.

"You have my word, Harry. It's not like I have anywhere else to go and I don't even know how to actually _leave_ this place."

He nearly chuckled at that. "You're resourceful, so I bet you'd figure something out, but please stay, ok? You still look exhausted. Maybe get some more rest."

"Will do."

* * *

" _No! This isn't you! What are you…?" and then that scream. That awful, heart wrenching scream that followed when it just turned to ice and… shattered, irrevocably_ gone _._

 _And the look in his eyes. The betrayal. The hurt. The_ pain _. The_ agony _._

_It was all too much… she just couldn't…_

"Snow! Snow, damn it! Wake up!"

She finally opened her eyes, sitting up straight, looking around and screaming _no_ over and over again before strong hands held her down and Harrison's blue eyes were boring into her own, steadying her.

" _Snow_. It's ok," he told her when brushing her cheek, putting her hair behind her ear. A seemingly innocent touch, but yet one that meant so much to her. "It was just a dream."

"No!" she screamed again, pushing him away and crawling into a ball against the wall. "It wasn't just a dream! You don't know anything! Just leave me alone!" How could she actually have lustful thoughts about this man?! How could she think about _that_ when she'd done so much evil?! Julian's lifeless eyes were staring at her every time she closed hers and when added to that her recurring nightmare, she was just going crazy, not able to stand the pain anymore. And she'd _abandoned him. Just abandoned her best friend when not able to face what she'd done to him_!

"I want to be left alone!" she yelled at Harry one more time and he finally listened, standing up with his hands held up high. "Please!" Then she got back under the covers that somehow, despite her sleeping there now, still smelt like him. It was torture, but a pleasant one. She didn't deserve to be felt for or cared for. She deserved to die.

"Caitlin, I understand that you've been through hell, believe me, I do," she then heard his voice in the darkness. She actually thought he'd already left. "I will give you all the time that you need, but one of those days you're gonna have to talk to me. Otherwise it will eat you up alive."

He was already in the door when she said, "Maybe that's what I need."

"No," he disagreed. "No one deserves that and especially not you. I'll be here when you're ready." After that, he left and even though he was already gone, she could still feel someone watching her. Maybe those were just her ghosts, she thought when crying herself back to sleep. Maybe it was exactly what she deserved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Especially for you this Christmas – a chapter that is heartbreaking and filled with emotions and intensity… Enjoy! / evil grin /

The next few days weren't the easiest for Caitlin and she truly had no idea how she would've even survived if it hadn't been for Harrison. It was surprising, really, how amazing he'd been with her so far, how patient. She couldn't possibly ask for a better companion in those circumstances. He just let her be, seeing the distraught emotional state she was in, but in the same time he was there for her even if it only meant that he said a few words to her or sit down next to her to share a meal. Those small things were what captivated her the most, what made her slowly wake up and get out of her shell. He never pried, trying to get things out of her; he seemed to just trust her that when the time was right, she would tell him what she wanted to and if not, that was all right with him, too. Maybe he just didn't want to be alone anymore, but she discovered that neither did she. She appreciated his presence and the time he was giving her, even though they seemed to have nothing but time, considering.

Days passed one by one and Caitlin was slowly opening herself up more and sometimes she even left the 'bed' she claimed as her own and went to seek him. Sometimes she even watched how he worked out, now knowing that he was doing it to keep fit, to be able to fight if it came to it as he couldn't rely on bullets anymore since he couldn't possibly find any and the device he had wasn't perfect either as it was running out of juice. Still, knowing the reason _why_ made her feel even more scared, because one of those days he might simply go out there for a supply run and not come back. And that was the worst thing that could ever happen to her, she discovered, so used to his company by now, so attached to him. It ran so deep that she was even afraid to put a label on it. There had always been something there between them, she couldn't hide it any longer. It was kinship and understanding of both minds and lives as they'd seemed to be through very similar things. He'd become so much more to her ever since she'd met him and she was terrified to even discover what that meant. She'd never truly desired Julian's company – yes, she still felt awful about that – but she accepted Harrison's immediately and the thought of losing him just like she lost all the other people in her life… it seemed _unbearable._ He was the one who actually kept her alive and who was giving her a reason to go on. Like right now, they were just eating together and he still smelt so fresh since he came straight from the shower after his usual work-out. And she was happy. She actually enjoyed herself for the first time since she could remember and once she realized that, her hand trembled again as she felt guilty. She deserved to be miserable, to suffer and instead…

She didn't even notice the stray tear running down her cheek. At least not until she felt his light touch on her face. When she looked up at him, surprised by his gesture of wiping the tear away with his finger, he froze as though he, too, just now realized what he'd done.

They were looking at each other for quite some time and Caitlin's mouth parted, his finger getting dangerously close to it when... they suddenly heard something. It sounded as though somebody dropped something on the floor.

Harrison got to his feet immediately, his glock ready in his hand. Caitlin knew he only had two bullets left, so he had to be careful of how he used them. Something also told her that he might be saving those bullets until he would face Savitar himself and she nearly trembled at the very thought of it. In the end, they would all going to die, wouldn't they?

"Harry…" she said and he shushed her, opening the door and walking into the dark hall. "Damn it, Harry!" she got angry and followed him. After all, she had some kind of powers whereas he had none.

Yet, before she managed to get far, he came back, the glock safely tucked under his belt.

"There's no one there. The door are still sealed," he informed when scratching his head. "And I could've really sworn…"

"Maybe it was a rat," Caitlin came up with the most plausible explanation.

"Or maybe we have an invisible metahuman problem."

"Hey, that's not funny! That would just be awful!" she raised her voice, actually scared of the possibility.

To her astonishment, he laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Rat is a far more plausible explanation."

She pretended to pout for a while before the smile forced its way to her face. She truly didn't know how this man did it. He somehow had the power to cheer her up by merely being himself, by being there for her. There was nothing special when it came to his actions since Julian had been trying to do the very same things all that time they'd been on the run together. There must be something special about Harrison as a person, she decided. Something that she'd seemed to be blind to before. It was a pity that her eyes were finally opening, showing her all the possibilities with a man that was actually always there right under her nose, just when the world was coming to an end. Go figure, it was just her luck. And it wasn't like they could go back in time and make themselves realize that.

* * *

Caitlin knew that this day would eventually come. She'd seemed to know it ever since the moment Harry had taken her to his hiding spot and informed that he'd been doing supply runs and some exploring of the territory. She knew that one day she would not see him come back through that door with a smile plastered to his face, handing her what he'd found and then hitting the shower just to emerge from it clean and fresh and getting down straight to food that was already waiting for him.

They'd established their own routine by now, not talking about what almost happened. If _anything_ actually happened. All that was there was a brush of his finger against her face and then he almost touched her lips. That was everything there was and it wasn't like the time and place was right to start anything. Ok, Caitlin might've been seeing him in a completely different light recently and the fact that he seemed to work out so often and without that damned shirt on only made things go faster for her, but it might also be that she'd been lonely for so long that she didn't even remember how it was to be with a man, much less feel his touch.

And now he was just gone. It'd been way too long as none of his previous trips had taken him as much time. The day already came and she was scared sick for him. She was terrified that she was once again left all alone and that she would never ever see a friendly face again. Maybe she should just go out there under the pretext of actually looking for him even though deep down inside she should know she wouldn't find him alive and that soon she would join him, too. Because she couldn't lie to herself any longer. This thing they had going wasn't going to last. He was never going to find Jesse, much less make her go back in time to fix things. There was no fixing things or messing with the timeline this time. There was only _this_ – a miserable, pathetic existence that should end sooner rather than later.

It seemed so silly now that she'd wasted so much time brooding and crying because of what she'd done. She might've already been damned to hell for her actions, but she should find any happiness she could put her hands on whenever she could and she'd had that chance with Harry and now it was just _gone_. She would never see him smiling at her again or just looking in that special way that seemed to be reserved only for her. At least she hadn't seen him looking at anyone like that before. She wished she hadn't spent all her days crawled up in a ball, fighting her own demons. She wished she'd let him in sooner. She wished she'd gone with him… Maybe then she would've been able to save him. Only she was too scared. She was too scared of her vilified alter-ego to let go of her defenses, to just let Killer Frost take over, because she suspected that one of those days she might not come back from this and stay icy and cold and trapped in her own mind forever, sleeping, not even being aware of what was happening around her.

Hours were passing by and she could just sit still on the bedding, hugging her knees when slowly moving back and forth as though she was on a swing. She felt numb, drained of any strength. This state was better than panicking, than letting actual _feelings_ in, because she knew once she did that, it would never stop. This would go on forever – or till the last day she had on this earth, which probably wouldn't be that long anyway.

And then it happened.

She _heard_ something again and this time it didn't seem to be just a rat making some noise; this time it was _deliberate_. There were heavy footsteps reaching her through the door, coming closer and faster as though the person walking couldn't wait till they found themselves inside.

 _They knew where they were going_ , Caitlin suddenly realized when getting to her feet in the same moment the door swung open, revealing the one person she so much wanted to be there, the one person she thought was already gone.

Harry dropped the bag he was carrying and then raised his head to meet her eyes.

She felt so relieved that he was all right that she wanted to squeal with joy which suddenly completely overwhelmed her, but then she got angry instead, "Where the hell were you?!"

"As always. Supply run. Some exploring, too," he explained in an idle tone as though he was completely oblivious to her worries.

"But it never took you so long before!" She was shaking now, standing right in front of him, her hands fisted. She couldn't control her body much longer. All it wanted was to jump him and never let him go. She just wanted to feel with her own hands that he was really there and that nothing bad happened to him.

And then he just had to make it all worse by saying, "I ran into some metas and my device finally stopped working, so I had to wait them out." There was no emotions in his voice as he said that. It was as though he was telling her the weather wasn't all that good. And it only pissed her off more.

" _Metas_?!" she exclaimed, her face now white as paper. "Are you ok?!"

"Yeah. They didn't find my hiding spot. I came back as soon as it was safe to," he informed. "Wait... you were _worried_ about me," he finally realized when recognizing the look in her eyes.

"Of course I was worried! I was worried sick!" She finally got to him and she swatted him on the chest. "Never do that to me ever again!"

" _Snow_ …"

" _Never_. Do you hear me?!" There was clear distress in both her voice and expression and he was just standing there, completely stupefied, just now realizing how much she'd grown to depend on him. And if he were to be honest, he depended on her, too. Maybe even more. Maybe even _too much_.

And then she suddenly flung her arms around his neck and before he knew it, her lips were pressed against his own and fire was immediately ignited in his entire body. He put his arms around her without thinking, he just wanted to feel her as close as possible, finally able to as he'd been dreaming about her since the moment he'd seen her on that street standing next to a body of her friend he so had hoped wasn't a boyfriend. No, scratch that, he thought when her mouth opened to the advance of his tongue and the kiss grew deeper and hotter as though they were two pieces belonging together and finally crashing as they were meant to. He'd hoped for _this_ since the moment he'd laid his eyes on her even if he himself hadn't realized it back there because of the whole distress with Jesse. Snow was always special to him and she never actually noticed. Until now, apparently. Or maybe she'd grown to feel for him the same way as well. And it had nothing to do with them being smashed together in the middle of all this mess, he could be sure of that since despite her being on the run with that guy, Julian, before, she'd never been with him the way she was with Harry now.

Yet, when he felt her whole body pressed against his own and his pants getting a little too tight, he forced himself to pull away.

"Wait… wait… I need a shower first. I'm all dirty and sweaty…" he said when trying to entangle himself from her arms, but she only held on to him stronger in response, taken over by a desire she didn't remember when she felt before, if ever. She just had to have him. She wanted and needed him _now_ and nothing would stop her. Well, he could, technically, but luckily for her, he was just as eager to collide with her as she was with him. The time she'd spent worrying sick and waiting for him even though she suspected he might already be gone, laying so heavy on her now that she didn't think she would ever be able to let him go again. They were already too late. The world was going to end and they'd wasted enough time, so now she decided to just take what she wanted and stop worrying about what she might or might not deserve. She would pay for her sins after she died anyway and she would spend whatever little time she had left with this man.

"I don't care," she answered him when kissing him again, then sucking on his lower lip and pulling on his black shirt to release it from his pants.

She didn't have to tell him twice. His arms were around her again and he raised her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, her core now pressing against the front of his pants, which already hid a hard and pretty impressing bulge. They were too far gone to care about anything except _this_ , this fire ignited in their bones only getting stronger.

Her back hit the wall when he pressed her against it and after pulling his shirt over his head and revealing the chest she'd been so eager to explore with her touch since the moment she'd seen him working out, she started fumbling with his belt, her fingers shaking, her insides burning, needing him so desperately. They were still trying to kiss, breaking apart here and there to take off various pieces of clothing. Caitlin did give up on undoing his fly after getting rid of the belt since his hands cupped her breasts and she was lost to pleasure once again.

Before they knew it, they moved to the table and he threw all the useless things to the floor so she could settle herself there and then he took off her jeans along with her underwear, leaving her completely naked. She didn't like that very much while he was still wearing pants, so she resumed her trying to get it off of him and finally, she closed her hand over his erected length, enjoying the hard texture and the size.

" _Snow_ ," he moaned when closing his eyes in pleasure, "you're killing me."

"Then get down to work," she encouraged him when letting go of him and wrapping her legs around his waist again, bringing him closer until he groaned and she found herself back into his arms, his lips kissing hers with all the fervor he could muster and with so much desire it burnt everywhere. Then she felt him at her core and he finally slid in with another heavy groan, burying himself deeply inside of her and then retreating before pushing in again.

Caitlin nearly couldn't believe Harrison Wells was just fucking her on a table, but it wasn't the time for thinking anyway. She wouldn't be able to focus even if she tried to. All she could do was to feel and respond to his touch and his ministrations and meet his thrusts. There was something animalistic in their coupling, something primal, a desire reaching so deep it was hard to quench. Talking about hard, she thought when holding on to his firm body, feeling him move inside of her, filling her in in every way as though they were made for each other. It made her want to scream in joy and ecstasy and she actually did that, letting all her inhibitions go, wanting this to go on forever, so desperate for a man in her life and what more, for the _right_ man who would actually stay and make it whole again. And he would, she knew that much, she could feel it, but the problem wasn't them, it was the world around them and its imminent end. Maybe everything tasted so good just because it was ending. All she could do was to enjoy the right now, not even remembering sex being this good for her before and feeling disappointed when actually reaching her peak – which was beyond amazing, but in the same time meant it was coming to an end. He couldn't hold on for any longer, groaning in response to her channel squeezing him relentlessly over and over again.

After they were done and the blood once again reached their actual brains, they felt awkward for a moment, realizing what had just happened, but yet they seemed unable to let go of each other. Harrison couldn't possibly release her from his arms or bring himself to leave her body. None of them wanted this to end.

"What do you say for a shower together?" she finally asked. It wasn't that she minded him not being so fresh as he'd claimed before, it was that now that they seemed to hit it off, she couldn't rid of the image of him in the shower that had been haunting her in her dreams. At least _that_ was a pleasant part of her dreams which mostly consisted of nightmares. She really appreciated that he made her forget.

"Snow…" he started and then sighed, finally letting her go and making a step backwards. She was now too distracted with the view of his impressive body and he had trouble to focus as well when seeing the perfection that was hers. "That was so foolish of us," he finally finished.

"Wait, what?" That sentence seemed to bring her back to the ground. "What are you saying?" she was suddenly overcome with panic.

"Wait, no, that was so _not_ what I meant!" he quickly made it clear when raising his hands. Then he put them on his hips and looked aside with a sigh. Damn it, why did he have to have such a beautiful body? She kept on wondering when biting on her lip. "I just meant that…" he tried one more time when forcing himself to look directly into her eyes and not at any revealed part of her flesh, "we can't bring a child into this world. It just won't survive, Caitlin." Ok, he must've been serious if he used her first name, she thought then. Still, she would soon have to tell him something that normally would be very painful to her, but in those circumstances it somehow became a blessing in disguise. "I of all people know how it is to lose a child, even if briefly and I wouldn't want…"

"Harry, wait, stop," she just had to interrupt him and she jumped off the table and took his hands.

"What is it?"

"There's something I have to tell you and it's not easy for me to admit as it was a very sore point for me… Actually, when I found out I was devastated…" She looked away for a while.

"What is it? You know you can tell me anything," he encouraged her, seeing that she was serious and it lay heavily on her. He was always willing to listen to her when she was ready to reveal some of her secrets to him and this time not even her nakedness could distract him from the issue at hand.

"I can't have children, ok?" she finally got it out, meeting his eyes with a pained expression in her own. "I know that in these circumstances it's the best thing for us, but…" She shook her head. "Ever since… Killer Frost… Ever since I… _died_ …" She could swear he shivered on hearing that, "I just can't. I know because I made all the possible tests when I came back to being… well, me."

He nodded when he heard that, not saying anything for a moment, not even telling her that he was sorry and she was very grateful for that. He seemed to know her so well that he knew exactly what she needed.

Then he finally spoke, "In that case, it was the best sex of my life and I cannot wait to repeat it."

That was just it. The perfect thing to say to unload the heaviness. To make her feel happy again. And she just loved him for it even though she wasn't ready to actually say that aloud.

"Oh, really?" she eventually went with before she took his hand and led him to the bathroom.

"Good thing I got supplies, because in this rate we'll burn too many calories…" he teased her then and she just pushed him into the shower and clang to him again after turning the water on.

* * *

After a very active shower, they cuddled together under one of the blankets, eating what they had without worry about tomorrow. Harry even got cookies which brought a sweet smile to Caitlin's face. Then, when he actually started to count days, he saddened.

"Do you realize it's Christmas Eve?" he asked her.

"Really? It's been _that_ long?" she asked, snuggling up closer to him and his hold on her tightened.

"Yeah."

"At least we're together. I couldn't have asked for better Christmas when considering…"

"The end of the world? Yeah. I couldn't have either. Without you, I'd be all alone."

"I'm glad you found me, Harry. I'm glad… that you saved me, too," she confessed when looking up at him. "I know I might've made you feel like I wasn't, but I really am. I just…"

"We all have our demons, Snow," he cut in when stroking her hair and then placing a kiss there. "You're the strongest person I know, so I am sure you can overcome yours."

She didn't say anything to that. She just kissed his neck since that was the closest part of him she could get to without actually changing her comfortable position.

Next, he reached for a meat can, saying something about proteins.

"I hate to break it to you, but I don't think this actually qualifies as real meat."

"Oh, how dare you! So cookies are better, then?" he asked, eying the already half-eaten box she had on her side.

"I'll make you a deal," she said then, "if we ever get the civilization back, I'll take you to dinner."

"I'll hold you to it."

"And I'll make it even better – it will be the Big Belly Burger."

"Oh, now you truly have my heart, Snow."

Yet, the very idea of it seemed so impossible that they stopped talking for a moment, just pondering how they would probably never actually do that.

"Harry?" Caitlin then broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For the perfect Christmas," she said.

"I think this is far from perfect, Snow," he pointed out and she finally had to change her comfortable position in order to face him.

"No, it is for me. You made me forget and you're here with me. It's all I need." After that, she pressed her lips against his, this time in a gentle and small kiss.

"You know, it never occurred to me before that you might actually return my feelings. Because you do, don't you?" he asked when they parted.

"Wait, what?" She blinked. "How long have you been having them exactly?" she wanted to know, overwhelmed again.

"Well, let's just say I passed on a date Cisco wanted to set up for me just because I couldn't meet someone else when being so taken with you," he confessed, looking her bravely in the eye. It was the end of the world, so when would he tell her if not now?

"But… but you never said anything!"

"Honestly, I thought you deserved better than this," he pointed himself, "better than this old prick that I am."

"Yeah, sure, because what kind of a girl wouldn't want a smart, sexy, mature and stable guy?" she asked in irony. "Why go for him if she can have some idiot that would only use her in the end? _You_ are the one who deserves better, Harry and you're definitely not what you think of yourself. Well, most of the times, at least," she added the last part just to unload the heavy atmosphere because her head literally started to spin. All this time she could've been this happy. All this time he'd been right there. And she'd never noticed. Ronnie had died and she'd tried so hard with Hunter because he actually reminded her of Ronnie a little. Which was the worst judgment ever from her side. And she so did not want to even think of Julian and _that_ desperate attempt to just have someone who cared for her without her thinking whether she truly cared for _him_. And Harry had always been there. At least most of that time. How could she have been so blind? Why did she realize it all just now when it was really no good anymore? When they were in such a terrible place, facing the very end?

They didn't say anything for a while, just being there, enjoying their closeness when she suddenly felt the urge to tell him _everything_. To be completely honest with him. To see if he'd maybe still want her after _that_.

"Cisco can't open a portal because he's literally not able to," she slowly started and felt Harrison tense up, waiting for the rest in anticipation. "I know he was your best friend on my earth, so I also know how hard this will be for you to hear, Harry, but…" She shifted again, situating herself right in front of him, so she could look at him. She just had to tell him. She had to let it all out. She owed that much to him and to herself. She owed the truth. "I hurt him, Harry," she revealed with tears already flooding her eyes. "I _mauled_ him. I became Killer Frost and technically I didn't really have the control over her, but she's in me. She must be _me_ somehow, too, right?"

"What are you saying?" Harrison just asked slowly when sitting up straight and looking into her eyes.

"That I froze off his hands and they're… they're just gone, so he can't open up a portal," Caitlin finally explained and then avoided Harry's eyes, crying her own out. "And I know you will hate me now. I just…"

"No, Caitlin, _no_ ," he denied fiercely when reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. " _No_ ," he repeated when she tried to get away, but his hold on her was too strong when he hugged her and then buried his face in her hair. "It wasn't _you_. I know you too well." He could feel her whole body shaking, so he held on tighter. "Killer Frost, wherever she came from… she isn't you. Never was. Never will be. You're a good person and I know that. Cisco knows that, too. I guarantee it. The Caitlin Snow I know, the Caitlin Snow you really _are_ , wouldn't do such a thing."

She only cried harder when hearing that, her hands tightening on his arms as he kept on holding her and never letting her go.

"That's not everything, Harry. I wasn't… I wasn't totally honest with you," she then confessed when pulling herself back under control.

He let her go then, so he could see her face.

"I didn't tell you that Gypsy refused to leave Cisco. I didn't lie when I said I didn't know where he is. He might even be on her earth now. I just know she didn't leave him. I know that… that _she_ could open up a portal for you to get to Jesse if she's still here."

Harry's eyes widened.

"Then we should try and find them."

"There's more," Caitlin decided to give him the very last piece of the puzzle, "when I hurt… when _she_ hurt him… I woke up. It woke me up and I struggled in my own head because she still had control, but eventually I managed to make her do what I wanted. I made her take the cure. Only it didn't work as it supposed to. Instead of getting rid of her, of my powers; I gained the ability to shift into her and back."

"So you can become Killer Frost whenever you want and control her?" Harry made sure to which Caitlin just shook her head.

"No," she clarified, "I can't really control her. I can fight her long enough so she gives up and let me take over, but every time I do… I'm just too scared that the next will be the time she will grow too strong to ever win with her."

"All right. I guess we just have to try and find Cisco and Gypsy," Harry decided then, "it's the only way."

"Yes, it is," Caitlin agreed, but in the same time it hurt more than she could admit to herself. Because this meant that whatever happened between then wouldn't last either way. They would die or manage to come back in time and then everything, just _everything_ would be erased.

She would once again be left with nothing.

Harrison seemed to know exactly what she was thinking about and sensed her own agitation because he pulled her into his arms with a groan and then he kissed her, desperate to leave some imprint on the woman he'd loved for such a long time now, desperate to make her not forget him and in the same time knowing that just wasn't possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Caitlin screamed.

In fact, she was screaming Harrison's name when in throes of passion, desperately holding on to him as he was diving into her, seemingly being everywhere at once, overwhelming her completely, making her want to live, to keep on going and fighting even if just for him, even if just so she could be _with_ him for longer.

Yes, Harry recently had a very healthy influence on her both physically and emotionally, she decided, finally claiming her orgasm and then just panting heavily into the crook of his neck, waiting for him to finish. She loved that part, too. She loved giving him this much pleasure, this much escape from this dreadful reality they found themselves in. She hoped he knew she couldn't do this with anyone else but him. Well, ok, maybe holding onto him so strongly as he was the one thing that kept her alive weren't _entirely_ healthy, but it was something. It was a first step to being better, to actually surviving.

"Snow, you're truly gonna be the death of me," she then heard Harry complain when he slid out of her and lay on his back right next to her with a heavy groan.

"Excuse me, but I do not force you to do anything," she teased him when shifting so she could lay her head right where his heart was. His arm opened on its own and he pulled her closer. "See?" she asked in satisfaction and he chuckled.

"We really should be spending most of our energy on trying to find a way out of here instead of on sex, you know."

"But you still go out on as often as you used to," she pointed out, stroking the flesh of his chest she felt underneath her fingers.

"But I'm not as sharp as I should've been because all the time I just keep thinking that I want to be back here with you," he confessed and sighed, then raised his hands to rub his face. "Snow, I don't know how much longer we can keep this up. We _have_ to come up with a new plan. The supplies won't last forever and we're not getting any closer to finding Cisco."

"You know how to ruin the mood," she complained, pulling away from him and sitting up when wrapping herself in a blanket.

"I'm just stating a fact," he said when also sitting up. "Anyway, I'm off to shower and then I have that one last place to check. If they're not there… well… we're gonna have to move somewhere else and that won't be easy, nor safe."

Caitlin bit the inside of her mouth when thinking about it. She really wished Harry would find both Cisco and Gypsy this time, but in the same time was terrified of the very idea. What if Cisco just hated her now? Scratch that, she decided immediately. He most definitely did. In fact, if Gypsy killed her on the spot, she wouldn't even be surprised.

"Hey, it'll be all right. I promise. Now I have even more incentive to stay alive, to find a way out of this situation," Harrison assured her when he emerged from the bathroom, all clean and fresh and wearing a new pair of clothes he'd brought from his last ride and she was just sitting in the place he'd left her in, brooding.

He walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

Snow knew something was wrong. He hadn't been gone as long as before when she'd been worrying crazy about him, but there was something different now. She _felt_ different. It was as though she was linked to him now that she could sense that he needed help, that he was in danger.

Why didn't she come with him on every trip anyway? Was she really that afraid of becoming Killer Frost? Or maybe there was more to it? Maybe she was just scared that once she did, she would once and for all break the comfy cocoon, this illusion she'd wrapped herself in? There was a real and terrifying world out there and she needed to face it again soon. Maybe sooner rather than later, she decided when her body practically started to scream, all her senses tingling.

She didn't care if it sounded crazy, she _had_ to get to Harry right now. She could _feel_ something was wrong.

She just didn't know how to make it happen.

"Oh, screw this. Let's just do it," she said aloud just to give herself some vocal courage and she stood up and then walked towards the door purposefully. She still had no idea how to find him, much less help him in need, but then she didn't even have to think about it. The moment she reached the last door, she wasn't herself anymore. She was Killer Frost and she was on the hunt.

She didn't really have a mind of her own as she walked the streets, listening, searching. She just followed some kind of a basic instinct that told her to go somewhere, to find _someone_. And she did. She had no idea how she did that, maybe it had something to do with her metahuman powers, but she soon enough heard someone moan in pain. _Pain_ , that quickly alerted her senses and she fastened up, still following this strange feeling she had in her guts.

He wasn't even that far away and if Caitlin was awake in her head right now, she would feel guilty and awful again, knowing that he was so close and maybe even calling her name and yet, she couldn't hear him. That he was so close and suffering and in danger and she was just sitting in their hiding spot, all safe and comfy.

Well, that ended now. Caitlin Snow wouldn't be hiding anymore. She would stop the wallowing, the self-pity. She would finally raise up to the call and fight like they all were, Killer Frost decided, finally facing the metahuman who was just leaning towards Harrison.

And Harrison was half-sitting on the cold ground, his foot stuck in what seemed to be an animal trap, she quickly assessed. She didn't even need more information as she spotted the terribly disfigured and enlarged teeth of the present metahuman. He must've been feeding on human flesh and she came just in time to stop him from turning the man she cared for into his next meal.

"Hands off my man!" she yelled and Harry stilled, looking behind him, his eyes opening widely as he saw Killer Frost. He'd been shaking before, probably because of fear, the imminent and very painful death and the thought of how his precious, delicate Caitlin would eventually find his mutilated body.

Well, Caitlin wasn't here. Caitlin was weak anyway, Killer Frost thought when raising her hands and freezing the metahuman to death without even thinking it over.

This was just who she was, wasn't she? She was a killer, the ice her friend, her weapon. And how was she supposed to ever reform if even if she wanted to reach her soul that was locked away deeply inside of her, even if she tried to be good, there would be nothing waiting her on that other side but pain. Because she couldn't love. She couldn't touch another human being without freezing their parts. She couldn't even _kiss_ a man for God's sake, not to mention other very pleasant activities Caitlin had been engaging herself in lately. That was just another reason why she hated her alter ego so much. Because _she_ could do all of those things.

"Caitlin?" Harry asked when the frozen statute of a man fell to the ground and shattered into thousands little ice shards.

"Caity's not here right now," Killer Frost answered him and came closer. She nearly flinched when he recoiled, but then he only breathed out in relief when she touched the trap, turned it into ice and squashed it in her hand without harming him. In the end, he was free to go.

She couldn't really touch him without hurting him and she wanted to. She frowned when she reached for him and then remembered what she could do to him, so she moved back, a sudden grimace of pain passing through her face. Something that Harry did not miss.

"I can see she's still somewhere in there," he said when getting up and standing on his healthy foot, but not without trouble.

She didn't answer him. She just turned around and walked straight to their hiding spot.

* * *

Caitlin woke up the moment her body was back inside. She felt it was safe again and that _he_ was safe, too and Killer Frost could actually hear her alter ego's voice in her mind. Caity was _thanking her_ and the villain in her couldn't stand this. In fact, she couldn't even understand why she'd saved Harrison in the first place. Why she'd listened to Caity before and taken the cure. Not that it helped. They were both just stuck now and nothing could help with that.

"Caitlin?" she heard Harry's weak voice right behind her when the ice retreated and she felt whole again. She was back to her own herself. " _Snow_?"

She turned around immediately, walking straight into his arms and holding him up a little when he seemed to have lost his balance there for a moment.

"Harry," she cried into his chest, hugging him tightly, breathing him in and thanking God that he was all right. Well, she should thank Killer Frost, too, but that she'd already done, hadn't she? She suddenly remembered, having discovered this strange bond between her and her villainous alter ego. Maybe she could explore it further. She started wondering. Maybe she could somehow find common ground with Killer Frost and work together when she needed her.

"Are you ok?" she then asked Harry when pulling away, cupping his face and kissing him on the lips. "Does it hurt much?"

"I'll live," he assured her, but did groan a little, so she quickly closed and secured the door and then swung an arm around him, helping him get to their room and to the blankets on the floor.

"Let me take a look at that," she then said when turning her doctor mode on and examining the torn skin around his ankle when the trap hurt him. "Please, tell me you have the first aid kit."

"I do, actually. I thought I might need it sooner or later," he admitted when pointing the spot she was to look for it in.

Once she retrieved it, she quickly disinfected the wound and wrapped it up.

"You're lucky it's just a superficial wound. The flesh is a little torn, though, so you will have to stay down for a while."

"Caitlin, no, we do not have that kind of time. I need to…" he started immediately and she interrupted.

"Then I'll go."

"Oh, no, out of the question!"

"What? Are you afraid of what I might do as Killer Frost?" she asked bitterly.

"What? No! I'm actually afraid what Gypsy might do to you once she sees you!"

"I can handle her."

"Well, still…"

"I'll make sure Killer Frost won't hurt her either," Caitlin promised, just sitting on the blankets right next to him with a sigh. "We have to move, Harry, you were right before. I… I know I got myself lost there for a moment. In fact, I wanted to stay still so we wouldn't have to lose this amazing thing that happened to us, but…" She shook her head, fighting tears. "It will eventually end and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Either way we lose. We have to face the reality here that this world will never be the same again. Savitar killed too many people and those who remain are metahumans. They're too strong together. The only way out is going backwards."

She started sobbing, not able to handle those emotions anymore and he put his arm around her.

"I promise you, Caitlin Snow," he eventually whispered when placing a soft kiss to the side of her head, "no matter the universe, world or timeline, I will _always_ love you."

She didn't stop crying. All he did was succeed in making her cry even harder and then he tasted her tears when she started kissing him.

They knew their time together was coming to an end when she stripped him naked and then took care of her own clothes. They knew it might as well be their last time when she straddled him and allowed him inside her body. But this didn't make it any less real. She just wished they could find each other again and in the end she chose to believe it because she couldn't handle this any other way.

She _believed_.

* * *

The first time Caitlin went out on a run, Harrison couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't do absolutely anything but just seat there, pissed that he couldn't walk just yet and scared shitless.

Caitlin did come back sooner than he would expect her to, not even having covered all the ground she was supposed to since she was still feeling it all out and getting used to the idea of looking for food and Cisco and avoiding metas. Then, there was Killer Frost who resurfaced again, but this time Caitlin actually did have some foggy memories of what she'd done and that was definitely progress. The fact that she didn't hurt anyone and actually found some food was another.

Then she saw the pissed and equally scared state Harry seemed to be in when she came back, the relief soon so evident on his face that she didn't know whether it was appropriate to laugh.

"Someone's been worried sick about me," she teased him eventually when getting down to the floor to kiss him. "I'm like that every time you go out, too, you know," she then informed him. "It's not easy."

"That explains you climbing me like a monkey every time I come back and having your wicked way with me."

"Hey, I never heard you complain about that!"

"Because I'm not. Those were the best greetings I've got for years, if ever."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that… Now, on with the news. I checked a little of the place you told me about, but I'm gonna have to come back because there are still some spots left. Sorry, I just… I didn't feel comfortable being away for longer and I know it's selfish of me, but… I needed to come back and see that you're still here."

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her when kissing her again. "And it's totally fine."

* * *

Caitlin knew it would soon end. She could feel it for quite some time now. In fact, she'd felt it that night Harrison got caught in a trap.

She was stealthily walking down the street, keeping to dark corners and making sure there was no metas around. She even managed to stay herself so far, which was definitely progress.

And then she saw _her_.

Go figure, she thought, that they'd be in the very last place left to check.

Gypsy was acting exactly the same as Caitlin. Avoiding any lights, keeping to the darkness, moving quietly and looking around. It actually came as a surprise to Caitlin to see her on this earth as it would've been better for her to transport Cisco to her own. Then again, traveling between dimensions was illegal in Gypsy's world so she wouldn't be able to hide Cisco there for longer. And maybe Cisco himself wanted to stay here, trying to find a way to save this earth. That would be so like him. And not like Caitlin anymore, Snow realized in sorrow. At least not Killer Frost.

She could already feel the ice creeping up her skin, so she retreated, making sure she knew where Gypsy disappeared to. She would soon come back here with Harrison and this would be the beginning of the end, she thought when turning around and making her way back home.

 _Home_ , she wondered about that. It became _him_ and she would have to lose him eventually just like everything and everyone else. Life was never fair, was it? She had to fight tears one more time because she really didn't want him to see her cry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On with the hardest part and the most heart-breaking chapter (or are they all like that?). LOL It's just the way I roll, Cisco would say, but fear not, my dear readers. I do have an ace up my sleeve and a perfect solution to what you're probably scared of : )

Caitlin felt sick.

She had no other word to describe the crazy whirlwind of emotions raging inside of her. It'd already taken everything from her to fight the change and not become Killer Frost, because no matter her worries, she just couldn't face what was coming when not being herself. She had to be brave and fight her own demons. She had to make things right again. God only knew how much of a toll it was taking on her. She would soon face Cisco and all the nightmares keeping her awake at nights would become reality. She had no idea what she would tell him, how she would even apologize, but then again, there was really nothing she could do or say to him that would make up for what she'd done when Killer Frost had taken over.

"Snow," she heard Harry's soothing voice. He was right by her side and then his hand was on her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "I know that what happened was terrible, but I am also sure that Cisco knows it wasn't you. If anyone knows you well enough, it's him."

That was true. Cisco was her oldest friend. She'd known him the longest out of all the people that were still in her life now. But that should also meant something else.

"Just because of _that_ ," Caitlin said, "I should've had more control over my own actions. I shouldn't have done what I did to him because you're right, if anyone could've reached me back then, it was him."

"No," Harry denied, still arguing, still fighting to make her see the truth, "because _you weren't_ there."

Suddenly, they stilled, hearing someone or _something_ creeping around the shadows. Eventually, Harry grabbed his glock.

"Do you still have bullets?" Caitlin wanted to know, surprised. "You never used them on that metahuman that I saved you from."

"I was saving them for Savitar. Besides, I had no way of getting out of that trap anyway," he answered when aiming, but he was faced with absolutely nothing.

For a while, Harry thought that maybe they _had_ actually been dealing with an invisible metahuman, because he ran out of ways to explain this constant feeling like they were being watched.

Only when he sighed and turned back to Snow, he saw her being held by Gypsy, the brunette's hand over Caitlin's neck.

" _Let her go_ ," Harrison hissed when pointing the gun at Gypsy.

"Why? So she would get all frosty again and hurt _me_?" the girl asked, tightening the hold she had on Caitlin. "I've been watching you ever since you left your hidey hole. I'm not stupid. I saw her tracing me the other day. What can you possibly want from me?"

"Were you watching us before as well?" Harry asked when gently lowering the weapon so she would calm down.

Gypsy frowned at that.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just watched you today," she finally answered. "Now, what can you possibly want from us?" she rephrased.

" _Us_?" Wells picked up on that. "So Cisco _is_ with you."

"Why do think I'm still here? In this wretched place?" Gypsy just asked. "It's because he just won't let it go. He's still looking for a way to save this world."

"Listen," Harry continued in as calm voice as he could muster, which, honestly, must've been hard for him, Caitlin figured, not even struggling against Gypsy's hold and still fighting the ice, "it's obvious that you care about Cisco a lot. It's the same with me and Caitlin. I _love_ her more than life itself and I promise you that we've come here in peace. Maybe we could help each other. I want to restore things to the way they were, but I cannot do this alone. In fact, I need your help."

" _My_ help?" Gypsy snorted. "Oh, wait, you want a way back home, don't you?"

"No," Harrison denied, shaking his head. "I just said I wanted to fix things here. I also said I love this woman you're just now holding hostage. I need you to open up a breach and get me to my daughter. She's a speedster. She can run back in time and fix things."

Gypsy went silent for a moment and then she just asked, "So none of this would have happened? Cisco would still have his hands?"

"Yes," Harrison confirmed with a nod, his hands still reached out to her so she saw that he had no intention of hurting her or anyone else there. "That's the point. He never loses his hands. In fact, I help Caitlin and she doesn't turn into Killer Frost. Savitar never exists. We can change it all."

"How long have you two been together?" Gypsy finally asked, still having trouble believing him.

"Me and Caitlin? Just a few weeks."

"So she won't remember falling for you. To her, you'll be just another face in the crowd. What more, you won't remember her either. How will you fix her then?"

"Yes, she won't remember me, but I might've found a loophole, so I would remember her."

"Harrison, no!" Caitlin finally spoke, starting to struggle against Gypsy's hold. "I won't let you remember loving me if we can't be together!"

"How else will I fix you?" he just asked and she was so hurt by that, that Gypsy suddenly hissed and let her go. Caitlin must've accidentally iced her a little.

"Bitch!" the girl called out and was just about to attack when they heard, "Stop!"

They all stilled as Cisco walked from around the corner. He must've been listening on to their whole conversation.

Caitlin had no courage to look him in the eye, but the gloves he wore were enough for her to feel her eyes start to burn as tears flowed.

"We, out of all people, should know how dangerous and unpredictable time travel can be," Cisco just said and there was something wrong, Snow could tell. In fact, Harry picked up on it immediately as well. The young man wasn't so carefree anymore. There was no light note left in his voice and somehow, they knew he wasn't joking about everything anymore, having been burdened with so much pain.

"I do realize that, I do," Harry confirmed with a nod when facing his friend. Caitlin did see he was doing his best to hold himself together since seeing Cisco like this must've been hard for him. In fact, she started to wonder whether he still believed in her innocence so much after seeing the proof of her crime himself. "But we have to risk it, Ramon. This isn't some caprice of going back in time and saving one person that we lost. This is about saving the whole world. If you see a way out of this without getting back, tell me, I'm listening."

Cisco didn't see it.

"So you and Caitlin?" he then asked, changing the topic of the conversation and it took them off their tracks. "I never saw that one coming, but I have to admit, it does makes sense."

Caitlin felt his eyes on her, but she still couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Oh, seriously?! This woman took your life!" Gypsy raised her voice when pointing the culprit. "She took away the one thing that you held most precious! You can't built anything anymore, you can't even use your powers!"

"That wasn't the _one_ thing I held the most… Ok, I'll stop right there," Cisco quickly changed his mind, seeing the face Gypsy pulled and then the one of Harry.

Then he came straight to his oldest friend and she started to shake, doing everything she could not to become Killer Frost. She knew this one she had to handle herself.

"Cait, I don't blame you," he said the worst thing ever.

It was the worst thing because she'd truly rather he yelled at her, hated her, hurt her. Because that was what she deserved. She certainly did not deserve _this_. But she seemed to sense Harry shooting her a look full of satisfaction.

"Cisco…" It took _everything_ from her, but she had to. She just had to as there was no other way. She looked into Cisco's eyes and her own teared up again as she saw no hate there, just concern, just… _love_. "No… I… I _destroyed_ you. I caused you so much pain… I'm so, so sorry…" she burst out crying, not even seeing him anymore through the tears flooding her eyes.

"That was Killer Frost. You died," Cisco just said and then she was suddenly in his arms, holding onto him like for dear life and sobbing into the crook of his neck. The touch of his hands that should have been on her back now was missing and it caused her to sob even harder.

"I'm not dead."

"But you were," he said straight into her ear. "I saw you die and then Killer Frost raised up. I believed you were still there for a very long time, but you weren't. I know that now."

"No," she denied when pulling away and wiping her eyes before looking at him again, "I was there. Taking… Taking your… hands…" somehow those words struggled to leave her lips, " _that_ was what woke me up, what brought me back from the recess of her mind… I still have trouble wrapping my brain around it all, but exactly that caused me to force her to take the cure."

"Wait… you took the cure?" Cisco got interested. "But you're still…"

"It didn't work," Harry provided the answer. "It was too late. Now Caitlin can switch back and forth and sometimes she loses that control. We just have to come back in time and I'll prepare a cure for her that she will take _before_ she gets killed. That way, hopefully, we'll get rid of Killer Frost forever."

"Ok, let's do this," Cisco agreed with a nod.

"Just like that?" Gypsy asked when getting to him. "We just go back in time and hope for the best?"

"Do you have a better idea? We've been cooked up in here, trying to figure out a way out and I did think of going back in time myself, but… Barry…"

"That's just another thing we have to do. We need to get him back," Harry said.

Cisco nodded. "I guess I didn't think we could use Jesse…"

"So what now? I'll just open up a portal to Earth Three and we'll look for her?" Gypsy asked and they all nodded. "Ok, guys, but there's one flaw in that precious plan of yours."

"And what's that?" Harry wanted to know.

"There's another reason to why I didn't risk sneaking Cisco to my earth," Gypsy started explaining, "it's because once the portal is opened, Savitar will know and he'll get here immediately. We might not manage to escape."

"Great. I'll be waiting," Harry just said and grabbed his glock again.

"Harry, that's a speedster we're talking about!" Caitlin protested.

"And I'm ready for him. Bring it on!"

* * *

They found a convenient for them spot and Harry started to talk everything up with Gypsy. They didn't think that building a strategy would actually come useful in the end, but they still needed all the help they could get.

In the meantime, Cisco came closer to Caitlin who was just sitting alone on the curb, hugging her knees.

"Are you really ok with this, Cait?" he asked when joining her on the ground.

"What do you mean?"

"Forgetting. I mean, yeah, you and Harry, that's pretty crazy, but… but you love him. I can tell."

She only tightened her arms around herself.

"You can't honestly tell me that it doesn't hurt."

"But I deserve this punishment," she finally confessed when looking into his eyes. "I deserve this, Cisco."

"Hey! Again with the guilt? Caitlin, I forgave you. In fact, it wasn't hard because I _know_ you. Why won't you just let it go?"

"Does it matter? I won't remember anyway. No matter what I do, I _won't_ remember this change," she spread her arms, indicating the world they found themselves in. "There's no point fighting. It's already killing me. And the guilt that I'm feeling, it's not only because of what I… what _she_ , "she corrected herself just because Cisco shot her a look," did to you. Julian died because of me as well."

"Yeah," Cisco nodded. "Harry mentioned saving you just in time but not managing to do the same for him. But, Cait… did you ever stop blaming yourself just for a moment and think that maybe it's really all Julian's fault?"

Caitlin stilled. Then she blinked a few times before finally asking, "What do you mean?"

"As hard it is for me to admit," Cisco started slowly, his voice trembling a little, "you did make your choice when you were dying. You made us promise not to take your necklace off. You wanted to die as yourself rather then become _her_. I respected that choice. Like I said, I _know_ you and even though it was killing me, even though it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I respected it. In the end, I knew it was what you truly wanted. It was Julian who was selfish enough to rip that necklace off of you and make you into… well, Killer Frost. _He_ couldn't handle losing you. He never knew you."

"Do you think Harry would've done the same? Do you think _he_ would've let me go?" Caitlin suddenly asked and Cisco looked at the man in question who was still talking strategy with Gypsy.

"Honestly? I have no idea. It seems to me that if he loved you this much then, if he really knew you, maybe he wouldn't have done this to you. That maybe he would've respected your wishes, but then again, maybe he would've been blinded by love all the same. He did lose his wife and then almost lost his daughter to Zoom. I don't think he would've handled losing you, too."

Caitlin only nodded, biting on her lip.

"Yeah, I wouldn't wish that choice on him. And yet, here were are. I won't remember him anyway. And he will still love me."

"You know what? I take it all back," Cisco suddenly said. "Harry wouldn't have to make any choice of the kind and you know why? Because _he_ can help you. He's the one who could've produced the cure on time. I wish we'd asked him for help. I wish I hadn't just put all that trust into Julian and your mother. I mean, we could've used the help and the technology from another earth and from the genius he is, right?"

Caitlin just nodded, not able to believe that they truly hadn't thought of this brilliant idea before. It was so obvious that if anyone could've helped them on time, it was Harrison Wells and it'd taken getting to _this_ point to actually realize it.

"Anyway, if I could make your memories stick, just those of him, I would," Cisco then said and stood up, seeing that both Harry and Gypsy were ready.

"Yeah, me, too," Caitlin just sighed, so overwhelmed with pain that it felt like she was going to die. The worst part, yet, was that when she thought she wouldn't even remember that she should feel it, it seemed even worse.

* * *

It happened way too fast, Caitlin thought, terrified.

She was determined not to let Killer Frost take control even though technically, her powers could help. But then again, she had no way of knowing what would happen once Frost came in contact with Savitar. Then not even Caitlin's influence on her might be strong enough to let her stay.

She was so consumed by fighting her own demons that she couldn't really do much of anything else, so she just stayed aside, keeping a hold on herself when Gypsy opened the portal and before they even managed to move, Savitar stood right before them, his fist suddenly immersed into the girl's flesh.

"NOOOOOO!" Cisco roared when moving forward, yet being powerless to stop the monster. "No!" He got to the ground where Gypsy had already fallen, but he had no hands to hold her and it was killing him. "No, stay with me. Stay with me."

She was struggling to. She really was, but her last effort wasn't to keep herself alive, it was to keep the portal open as long as it took.

"G…goo…" she just whispered to Cisco and he seemed to be incapable of doing just that.

Next, Savitar moved to Caitlin and Harry opened fire, seeing that she was left exposed and vulnerable, but he was too late. His second and last bullet did hit the speedster, but Caitlin was already lying on the ground, holding onto her stomach, blood dripping there.

"NO!" Harry roared, not even paying attention to mortally wounded Savitar. He should wonder how on earth the guy just let him shoot him, but maybe his thirst for revenge on Caitlin, on Killer Frost, was stronger. Or maybe he made a copy of himself again and that copy would soon catch up with them. There was really no time.

Harry grabbed Cisco's arm, dragging him away from Gypsy and pushing into the portal and then he got to Caitlin and took her into his arms, carrying here there even though it did seem pointless. Even though he would lose her eventually anyway. He just wasn't ready to let go just yet.

* * *

Wells didn't care where they ended up when they jumped through the portal. He didn't care what was around or who could see them. All he cared about was Caitlin bleeding out in his arms.

He got down to the grass that was underneath their feet and lay her gently on it, never letting her go from his arms, though, now cradling her there, not even realizing he was actually crying.

"Harry…" Snow whispered his name as he bent over her, her hand landing on his face, refusing to let go even though she seemed to be running out of her strength.

"No, Snow, don't talk. You're gonna be all right," he said, his voice getting trapped in his throat. Out of all his nightmares, this one was the worst. And he'd never anticipated that he would have to live through losing her. He'd been preparing himself for letting her go, for loving her from afar, but in those visions she was always happy. Maybe with someone that wasn't him and even though it hurt more that he would like to admit and sometimes when he imagined her life after all of _this_ , his heart clenched so painfully he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. Because he loved her so much. In fact, she was the love of his life and he finally admitted that to himself. He knew he would have to let her go, but what kept him going was the fact that he would see her happy, free of the influence Killer Frost had on her. He didn't think he could make her fall in love with him again when having all those memories. How would she even understand them once he told her? Or maybe he should do just that. Maybe he could make her fall for him and one day, when she was in this as much as he was, he could tell her the truth.

Still, he never thought he would have to watch her die even though he knew he might change it all.

Then he had the worst fear. What if despite all his trying, despite them getting to Earth Three, they still wouldn't be able to come back and change things? What if they were just stuck here?

"I love you, Harry," Caitlin whispered to him, still holding on to his face, looking him deeply in the eye. "I love you so much. I don't want not to remember you. I… I can't handle this," she then confessed in tears. "I always knew coming back was the right thing to do, but… the thought of being back to…" she stopped, coughing blood and he just winced, barely able to stand this, "to me that wouldn't love you… I can't. You have to promise me…"

"Snow…" he begged with tears flowing down his face. Maybe if she stopped talking, she would hold on long enough so they could get her to a hospital?

"No, let me say this. Promise me you will make me fall in love with you again. No matter how hard it may be. No matter how lo…" more blood came, "how long it will take. _Promise."_

"I promise," he said, finding enough strength in himself to make it loud and clear. "I promise. I won't let you become Killer Frost either."

She smiled right before her hand finally fell down, lifeless to the grass and her eyes closed. He did kiss her right when her lips went inert and then he cried with his head buried in her hair. He could hear sobbing that must've come from Cisco. The guy not only lost his best friend that he'd just gotten back, he also lost the love of his life as well.

Harrison decided just then that he would do and sacrifice anything to get back in time no matter what the cost.

And then he heard…

"D-dad?"

It was the only person who could now drag him away from Caitlin's body, the only person able to get through to him.

He stilled and then he finally rose to his feet, registering that they were somewhere in the woods, away from any humans. Good, he thought.

Jesse was standing right next to him.

"Jesse," he said her name and she ran straight into his arms.

"I heard it all. Dad, I am so, so sorry… I was looking for you," she was crying into his chest and he could just hold on to her like to a lifeline. "I was monitoring any portal activities since I couldn't get back and you weren't on Earth Two and… I came as soon as I could and I heard everything. I am so, so sorry about Caitlin. I always knew there could be something more between you two."

On hearing Caitlin's name, Harry pulled away, keeping Jesse at his arms' length.

"You have to travel back in time, Jesse," he said, gone the tears. Now he was just determined to fix things, locking all his feelings in a box deeply inside his heart. "Can you do that for me?"

She nodded.

"I hate to break it to you, guys," Cisco said, his voice slightly broken as well as Harrison registered that the guy was just now getting up from the grass, probably having just said to goodbye to Caitlin himself. "But Gypsy… Gypsy is gone," he finally got it out, his whole body shaking. "And I can't open up a breach back and we need that if we want to come back in _my_ earth's timeline."

"That won't be a problem," Jesse suddenly said and both the men just looked at her with surprise and newly found hope. "The technology on this earth is so advanced that we can grow you a new pair of hands."

"Come again?" Cisco just asked.

"Just come with me to Mercury Labs," Jesse offered and Harrison would've frowned at that since it was a rival company, but this time he would take what he got.

"Perfect," he said. "Let's go. Oh, and I'm coming back in time with you."

"Have you forgotten something, Harry?" Cisco asked. "I know that we, normal people who aren't speedsters, can occasional travel with said speedsters, but… actually going back in time? The speed itself and the pressure… it will literally wipe you out of existence. Not that I tried it," he added quickly, "but if my calculations are correct…"

"They are," Harry confirmed with an impatient nod of his head.

"Then how…? OH," Cisco said when staring at the yellow ring Wells just retrieved from his pocket. "You have the Reverse Flash's suit. Where did you get it?"

"Stole it when I came to your earth and found the Labs abandoned and all of you gone," Harrison explained. "Do you think I may succeed now?"

"Definitely, man. That suit is made of an even better material than Barry's was… I actually got inspired at once and created something… and it just makes you think whether I was meant to create this because…"

"Cisco."

"Yeah?"

"Let's go save the women we love."

"On it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did wonder whether Killer Frost should heal Caitlin's body again, but then decided against it. Killer Frost on Earth Two died and didn't heal. Then Caitlin still had her injuries after fighting with Amunet. I think that it was just a one time thing that she was saved, because Killer Frost was born then.
> 
>  
> 
> I actually have another story idea. I made an AU video in which Caitlin is the one who travels to Harry's world, she works with him and Jesse and finds her home there. You can see it on my youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEZFZBNMBy4 . I think I will start putting the story to paper once I'm finished with the two I currently write.


	6. Chapter 6

The moment Jesse stopped running, having arrived at their destination when dragging her father with, he didn't waste any time. He let go of her and moved straight towards S.T.A.R. Labs when removing the Reverse Flash suit on the way there.

"Dad!" she called after him, barely able to hold her breath. It had actually been quite an ordeal for her since she'd had to undergo a special training before she'd even attempted getting back in time. They had the time since Cisco's hands needed to be re-grown, but still, they'd done it all in the shortest period possible, all focused on the task at hand and wishing to just put it all behind them already.

When Harry didn't answer her, she used her speed again just to cut his way.

"Just stop for a sec!" she asked, panting heavily. "We need to talk this through."

"Jesse, there's nothing to talk about," Wells dismissed her in a voice rid of any feelings. She already knew it was just his defense mechanism turning on as she remembered him becoming colder and detached from people after her mother died. She didn't want that morose and brought down by life man back again. She wanted the man who'd found a new life on Earth One. A life among people whom he could call his friends instead of just work acquaintances. And yes, a life around Caitlin. Maybe neither her father, nor Snow had seen it then, but Jesse could. Jesse had seen that special bond between them from the very beginning. She'd always counted on something happening there. Too bad it'd taken the end of the world, though.

"Jesse, listen," Harry then sighed and stopped when seeing the look on his daughter face. "I appreciate all your help. I really do," he told her. "You saved our lives… her life and I will be eternally grateful for that to you, but there's nothing else you can do for me here."

"But dad… it's just… you can't just fix this, fix Savitar situation and then Caitlin and… walk away. She made you promise."

"I know," he admitted with a nod, "but there's still no way to make her remember and I… I can't think about that right now, Jess, I need to just focus on what I need to do, ok?" After having said that, he resumed his walk, considering this conversation over.

* * *

Cisco was staring at Harrison with his eyes widely open, wondering whether he was still dreaming. Dude did march straight to his apartment and woke him up in the middle of the night, after all. And now he was saying a bunch of stuff that didn't really make much of sense to begin with.

"Wait… how do you even know where I live?" he finally asked Harry and the older man almost sputtered.

"Ramon, _focus_ ," he chastised his extremely annoying friend. Why were they even friends to begin with? "Did you get all of that or not? I'm leaving Savitar to you. Can I trust you on dealing with this?"

"It's not April's Fools, is it?" Cisco then asked when falling into his couch. "Because Barry actually becoming an evil speedster in the future don't make much sense to me."

"He got it," Harry then heard another voice and when he looked at the open door, that apparently led to Cisco's bedroom, he spotted Gypsy there. For once, she wasn't wearing leather. She had just one of Cisco's famous t-shirt on.

"Good." Harry didn't really care for the anything else, having come here straight from the Labs he'd found empty earlier since it was the middle of the night. A part of him was hoping to see Snow, but another was relieved that he didn't need to face her just yet.

"But... did you just hear what he…?" Cisco turned to Gypsy.

"Yep. And believe me, it doesn't sound that crazy to me, considering…"

"Yeah, yeah…" Cisco waved his hand and then sighed theatrically. "I guess no more sleeping for me tonight… or... today."

"Actually, I'm gonna need you, too," Harry changed his mind about leaving and turned to Gypsy. "Abda-Kedabra."

"What did you just say?" The girl froze and Cisco just pulled another face.

"You want him or not?"

* * *

With Abda-Kedabra taken by Gypsy to Earth 19 with no problems, Caitlin was safe for now, but Harry knew it wouldn't actually be for long. He did spot changes he'd unwillingly done to this timeline. For example, HR had never come to Earth One, but Gypsy had actually gotten here sooner and was already in a serious relationship with Cisco. So far none of those changes bothered Harry since he never liked the idiot, HR and needed Gypsy. He'd love to rid of Julian, too, but apparently, he wasn't _that_ lucky. Go, figure.

He'd managed to successfully avoid Caitlin so far, working on the cure for her day and night, but he did have her closely monitored by Jesse just in case. He knew he had to hurry since he might not be so lucky to keep her alive for longer. Who knew what kind of a metahuman could strike at her or accidentally hurt her when she was caught in the crossfire. Besides, it was already a blessing that whatever change Jesse had done to the timeline didn't affect Caitlin too much, if at all.

And just then, as though she could sense he had something to tell her, something to give her, she strode right into the far-away lab in which he'd been working for days now, her hands on her hips, attitude belligerent.

"Have I done something to offend you?" she asked straight away and he could just stand there and gape at her like some kind of an idiot. Like… HR, ran across his mind and he immediately bristled. This woman would be the end of him one day, he knew it, and it might be sooner rather than later because… how could he fulfill the promise he'd made to the version of her from the future? How could this beautiful, stunning, smart, kind-hearted and absolutely amazing woman fall in love with _him_? The dick he was, even if genius. Maybe the broken Caitlin she would eventually become if he'd done nothing to stop it, could see something more in him, but he really didn't think this Caitlin could. Even if she didn't really change this much. Even if he would always love her no matter the form and no matter what was happening to her.

All those thoughts caused his anger to inflate like some pierced balloon and all that was left was sadness. He was just an old man grieving over a life he couldn't have. What an irony.

"I asked you a question," she said, clearly losing her nerve, her arms just flinging down her sides. She seemed taken aback by his silence and the obvious change she noticed just now. He must've seemed so defeated to her.

"I… I'm sorry, Snow," he finally found his tongue and spoke those words even though they weren't the ones he truly wanted to say to her. Maybe its was _I love you_. _You are the love of my life. I know this sounds crazy, but_ … But no, he couldn't say any of those things. Not now, at least. There was only one thing he could do at the moment and maybe just that thing could somehow awake some feelings in her for him. "I have been avoiding you, actually," he then admitted and her eyes opened widely when she heard that. "But not for the reason you may think," he added quickly and he could tell she was just perplexed now and felt very uncomfortable. "Caitlin, I…" Like calling her by her first name would calm her down, he thought sarcastically, "I actually made a cure for you," he finally confessed.

There was sudden silence when she could just stare at him and frankly, he'd rather she stopped. Because she was way too beautiful. She wasn't broken anymore, though he could tell the whole Killer Frost thing was still bothering her. Then again, she was so much better now than in his still fresh memories. Memories of a life that would never come to be, but ones that would also never fade from his mind. How was that for a bitter irony?

"Come again?" she finally asked, so he reached for the vial already lying on the table and showed her.

"I've been working on this nonstop even since I came here and… it's ready. If you want to, you can take it. I am positive that it will work."

"But… But Julian… and my mom…"

"…have been working on the cure, I know," Harrison nodded, doing his best not to flinch at the mention of the younger man in Caitlin's life. And what would her mother think if Snow informed her that she was dating a man so much above her own age? "But they're not me. In fact, I was kind of hurt that you didn't think of me when you decided you wanted to be cured," he just said then, cutting his thoughts short.

"Well… honestly, Harry… I… I didn't think you'd find time for me. I mean… it's just… it seemed like I shouldn't be bothering you with this when you clearly preferred to be left alone on your earth," she finally told him and that was his time to be surprised.

"What do you mean? Snow, I always have time for you."

"But you left," she simply said when shrugging. "You just left. I… I mean… we all asked you to stay. We wanted you here and… and you just left."

"You asked me to stay?" he asked, completely taken aback. "You _personally_ asked me to stay?"

"Well, yeah… I came to find you right after you told the team you were coming back to your earth because of some still unresolved issues and… and you still said no. You were there, weren't you?" she asked with a frown. "I thought… I thought you were maybe avoiding me because of that. Because I might've come out a little bit too… desperate? I don't know." She shrugged, clearly feeling awkward.

He could just stand there and keep staring at her beautiful and confused now face. In fact, she was so nervous she was wriggling her fingers.

And then it all became so clear to him.

He – or rather the version of him that he couldn't really remember because he still remembered the future and would never forget – had chosen to come back to his earth. The question was why. It couldn't possibly be that this man didn't have feelings for Caitlin. Maybe just like the old Harry, he didn't want to tell her. Maybe he was afraid of rejection, of her being disgusted with that, of just seeing him as a mentor or worse – a father figure, something Harry suspected the original Wells – or rather Thawne – might've been for her.

Well, clearly, he wasn't any of those things. Apparently, she had feelings for him, too and might've been just as scared and ashamed of them as he was.

Still, that didn't change the fact that he had to figure out a way to tell her the truth, because he couldn't possibly make any move on her when she was like this, when she expected a man with a slightly different set of memories.

"I should have stayed," he eventually said and then reached the hand with the cure out to her. "So, do you want this or…?" He didn't finish because her arms were suddenly around his neck and she was pressing her whole body into his and he actually had to watch out for the vial since he was dangerously close to forgetting that he was still holding it and might actually drop it. Because she was there, in his arms, hugging him; her wonderful smell invading all of his senses, her heart beating so close to his own.

And he couldn't just act on his feelings the way he was so used to, because this wasn't – _yet_ – the Snow he just lost.

He reminded himself why he was always so hard on Barry when the boy decided to run into the past and change some things.

Because _everything_ mattered in the end. Every little detail.

For a moment there, though, he did let go and clang to her body, hugging her tightly, letting himself be happy that she was alive and breathing in his arms. But then he let go. He couldn't hold on to her for too long.

Next thing he knew she tensed up and when he finally released her from his arms, he saw her looking at something above his shoulder. He turned just to see Julian standing there, watching them through the glass wall.

"I have to tell them all! I have to tell them it's ok to stop trying now that I have the cure," Snow said in excitement, so painfully oblivious to Harrison's disappointment. He did think that the younger man noticed, though and he felt embarrassed of how it must've looked.

Then nothing was left of Caitlin in the lab except the smell of her perfume that still lingered in the air, taunting him.

In the end, he just turned in the opposite direction and left the building through the back door. Stupid old fool, he told himself, angry that just for a moment, he thought this Caitlin could actually love him.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?!" Jesse stood in his way when he left the Labs. "Caitlin just told everyone that you made her the cure! You! She want to take it immediately and she actually wanted you to be there, but… you just disappeared!"

"Jesse… Just… _don't_ …"

"Dad, she cares for you, I can tell."

"She has Julian."

"Oh, you mean the guy I just saw her talking to? She totally brushed him off! In fact, I did hear her apologizing to him and saying this wouldn't work out anyway."

"Were you eavesdropping?!" Harrison got mad at his daughter.

"Oh, please, like you're such a saint! I'm just saying that she's got a thing for you no matter what timeline we're in! Don't you get it?! Caitlin likes _you_! You just have to romance her…"

"I can't believe you just said I have to romance someone," Harry said through gritted teeth, now just pure angry.

"Well, yeah, it's been a while… oh, wait… didn't mom tell me that you were always awful at that? Seriously, man, I don't know how on earth you managed to land two such amazing women! Well, ok, technically, it's two earths, but still…"

"Have you finished?" he just asked.

"Yeah… oh, wait… no. There's something I need to do," Jesse then said, trying really hard as not to burst out laughing.

"And what could that possibly be?"

"Just give me till tonight, ok?" she asked him and was gone in a jiffy.

Harrison, cursing everything and anything, walked back into the Labs just to see Julian telling everyone he might be going back to England and Snow… actually, she was nowhere to be found.

* * *

"Caitlin, you're just gonna have to trust me. Put this on. I have something to show you," Jesse told Caitlin when she dragged the woman away from everyone and into the speed lab.

"Is this…?" Caitlin frowned on seeing a suit very similar to the one she always saw Barry wearing, but…

"It's an early prototype of Barry's suit, made by Cisco and adjusted to you," Jesse informed quickly when putting her mask on.

"Are we going somewhere?" This seemed too much for Caitlin. First Harry, who'd successfully managed to avoid her so far, actually turned out to be working on a cure for her and now… "Jesse, honestly, what's going on? Is the timeline changed or something? Are you trying to fix it? You know well how that always ends…"

"Oh, no, it's already fixed."

" _What_?"

"Caitlin, please, just… I don't have the time to explain, ok? You need to see it with your own eyes, ok? I beg of you, just put this on and let me take you there before the new timeline sets in permanently and that future will be gone forever."

"Future? You're taking me to the _future_?" Caitlin just grew scared now.

"Listen, I'm doing this for my dad. He cares far more about you than he will ever be willing to admit, ok? And I can actually tell that you do care about him, too. Just let me show you something. I promise you that I will get you back here intact."

* * *

Snow saw it all. She saw herself dying, being brought back, being broken, being Killer Frost and working for Savitar. She saw herself taking Cisco's hands and taking the cure that didn't work – which explained why Harry was sure his version would – because he already knew what wouldn't.

She saw herself and Julian running away, barely staying alive, just running, going from place to place, never staying for long. She could see how much of a toll that had taken on her. That and the emotional turmoil she'd been going through because of Cisco.

Her head started spinning when she saw Harry rescuing her after Julian died.

She actually wanted to run to Julian and save him, but Jesse kept her in place, reminding her that this future was already changed and Julian would come back home to England and be fine.

They didn't stay to see everything, to be a witness of every little thing day by day. Jesse just sped on and on, showing Caitlin the most important scenes and getting lost as soon as her father barely touched or kissed Snow, just leaving the older woman there to see it for herself.

She even knocked some object to the floor once, almost causing a catastrophe when she ran away, Harry already leaving the room to check what happened.

It was too much. It was way too much, Snow thought, feeling her heart getting heavier and heavier with every passing moment. She might not actually remember being there, but she felt inside as though she was, as though she felt everything the exact same way the other her, the her from the possible future did.

And it was killing her.

The love she had for Harry and he had for her… it was too much. She'd actually never thought she would be able to find something like this. Something that seemed even greater than what she'd already lost with Ronnie. Something real.

And it was still there.

Maybe it was always there.

* * *

Harrison pushed the door open and walked inside the Big Belly Burger. Jesse had told him to meet her there, so he complied, already having a few things on his mind that he would say to her.

Only it wasn't Jesse waving at him just now. It was Snow.

He didn't understand any of it, but he made his way to her, telling himself that she probably wanted to thank him this way for fixing her a cure.

He couldn't be more wrong.

When he sat in a chair on the other side of the small round table, she said, "I told you I'd buy you dinner, didn't I?"

For a moment he could just stare at her, feeling his throat going dry and his heart beating so fast he was afraid he would go into cardiac arrest. Was he dreaming? Because this was like a scene taken out of his wildest dreams.

"Wh-what?" he finally stammered and then cleared his throat. "How? Do you…? Do you… _remember_?" he just had to ask even though his life might actually depend on her answer.

"So, are we gonna have crazy survival sex now?" she just asked idly, clearly having fun when seeing him this speechless, this shocked. "Ok, I might've gone a little too far there. Are you all right? You're not so young anymore, so I'm really worried here," she then obviously teased him. When even that didn't help, she just asked, "Harry?"

"Ok," he finally nodded, taking it all in and deciding to play along, to find himself again. "We can have any kind of sex you want, whenever you want till one day you'll actually kill me with it, but… I just need to know _how_."

She actually flushed all over. This was real. This was more real than the future memories she just saw. Because the body she had right now, the mind, it might've witnessed all those things they did, but it hadn't exactly physically felt them yet. In fact, him talking about sex so blatantly was so hot she was afraid she would start to squirm in her chair.

"So you never let Jesse just come back in time herself because you wanted to make sure I was all right? You knew what went wrong with the original cure and you wanted to make me one that would actually work?"

"Correct." He nodded.

"I did make you promise to make me love you again, didn't I? And something tells me it wasn't by letting Jesse take me to the future."

"So that was what she did! It was very reckless of her and if I knew… Wait, it was _you_ watching us all that time?" She only nodded. "Oh, God, please tell me Jesse didn't…"

"She mostly left me alone, hidden in the shadows," Caitlin explained. "I didn't even see that much. I couldn't be made, after all."

"Well, that's a relief."

Snow then reached across the table and took his hand. The seemingly innocent gesture meant everything to him.

"Thank you for making me whole again, Harry," she said when looking him deeply in the eye. Suddenly, he didn't want that burger anymore. All he wanted was to take her home. Which probably meant her apartment since he didn't have any in this world. Still, in the end, she was his home. "It just kills me that you had to go through all of that. If that doesn't speak eternal love, then I don't know what does."

"Oh, eternal, you say," he picked up on that, smiling despite his inert disgust for mushiness. Well, _she_ made him want to be mushy and somehow he was all right with that. "I actually like that." He smiled to her. "I…" He took his hand away because he couldn't possibly hold it when mentioning _that_. "I did actually think you deserved better. I know you made me promise, but…"

"I don't want what people think it's better for me," Caitlin just told him. "I want what I feel it's better and that's you. I love you, Harry and I couldn't change that even if I tried."

"I love you, too, Snow, but you already know that."

"Still, I won't get tired of hearing it every single day for the rest of my life."

"It will probably be for the rest of my life, but you got yourself a deal," he teased her and she frowned at that before she smiled again and said, "You know you had me at sex, don't you? But seriously, though. The truth is that you had me when you called my name out there, when you found me over Julian's body."

"What if I decided to stay when you asked me to?" he wanted to know. "Would I have you _there_? Although, I do apologize for that idiot. He's not me anymore."

"He is and you are. I know why you decided to leave, Harry and I understand. I should've been clearer then about my feelings, but… well…"

"Let's just start fresh," he suggested.

"Let's do that," she agreed with a smile. "Also, let's finally order something. I'm starving."

Once she did that and he was kind of disappointed because he was really hoping to just head over to her place; she made it all up to him when situating herself on his lap, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him on the lips. They did have to stop pretty soon since they were in public, but yes, that definitely sealed the deal and made him feel all better.

"Man, what a score!" someone from the crowd actually called out and they all laughed merrily.

"Maybe we could skip dinner and just head to your place," the suggestion was out his mouth before he could stop himself, but to his relief, she just asked whether he'd rather get take out.

So take out it was.

* * *

They headed to her place and while the burgers were lying forgotten on a table in Snow's kitchen, they moved to her bed and got rid of their clothes, actually for the first time making slow and agonizingly sweet love. Love with nothing to hide, no barriers between them, no memories forgotten, no other lives lived. For Snow, there was some kind of weird familiarity in it, even though technically it was the first time she invited him into her body. The way he moved, the way he felt there was also familiar and so, so fucking good, she thought when holding onto him with all she got and deciding to never let him go.

And Harry couldn't be happier. He still had trouble wrapping his mind around what happened, what Jesse had risked and done for him. He knew he had to give her a lecture about being so reckless, but he would also be eternally grateful to her. He wouldn't like it to happen any other way. He cherished that Snow knew everything because she saw it with her own eyes. He held so dear the fact that she seemed to love him even before she knew and what she found out only cemented that feeling. Just in this moment, when he could join his body with hers and feel her in most deepest of ways, he knew with perfect clarity that everyone had to go through the bad just so they could appreciate the good that much more, just so they could hold on to it and never let it go, just so they would never take it for granted. You were always more happy when something came the hard way.

Then something else occurred to Harry. He – or rather they – might've forgotten about something and if they were lucky enough, maybe he could say thank you to Jesse by giving her a sibling she always wanted to have but with her mother gone so soon, it never happened.

Yes. Today he definitely felt lucky.

_The end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just about to start a new story called Way Home. Look it up, maybe it's already published as you're reading this: ) Caitlin, let down by her life and friends decides to travel to another universe and unexpectedly finds everything she was looking for - I actually made a video first and then thought it could become an amazing story. Of course the story will be slightly different and much longer than the video, but feel free to check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEZFZBNMBy4


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